1. The club is not going up on a Tuesday…or a Friday for that matter. Weekday nights (yes, including Friday) are not nights for going out. We will be asleep by 8pm, so Netflix and Chipotle are a better bet than anything that requires pants.
2. We will have the best stories to share with you over dinner and drinks. Youll start to look forward to these anecdotes every day – there is literally never a dull moment.
3. The topic of state tests and/or teacher evaluations will send us into a tizzy. Unless you want to hear us rant for twenty minutes, dont mention either of these things.
4. We are ridiculously easy to shop for when it comes to the holidays. White board markers, stickers, those colored Flair pens – basically, just fill up a tote bag with items from Staples and we are happy.
5. Coffee is essential to our existence. Preferably in I.V. form. Buy us coffee, and youre halfway to our hearts.
6. Our work will never be able to stay at work. Youll find us correcting papers on Sunday afternoons, lesson planning on Saturday mornings, and answering student emails all the time (most likely with questions weve already answered ten times in class.)
7. If you say, Do you want me to grade some of those vocab quizzes for you? – we will fall in love.
8. Youll come to know some of our students on a first-name basis and find yourself asking, Did Jimmy have his homework today?
9. Well start out ironically watching Pretty Little Liars, because thats what all our students watch, but then well eventually be hooked. WHO IS A?!?!
10. Places like Forever 21 and H&M become off limits on the weekends because we are guaranteed to run into students there.
11. Speaking of, if youre out in public with us and we run into students, be prepared to feel like a celebrity running from the paparazzi. Kim Kardashian, we feel your pain.
12. We are obsessive list makers. Bullet points are sexy, arrows are sexier.
13. Your, youre, their, theyre, there – know the difference, or dont even bother to date us.
14. We can spend legit hours in stores like Michaels and Homegoods, and we need to be pried away from the office supply section of Target. Wait are those stencils??!!!
15. We love the excuse to purchase stuffed animals and other little kid things just to decorate our desks and make them friendlier.
16. Please accept this apology in advance – well start talking like teenagers. Phrases like on fleek, sick, and totes, will find their way into our daily vocabulary. We cant help it.
17. If you ever insinuate that our job is easy because we have summers off, it will be the end of our relationship. Have you heard of professional development, bro?
18. As much as we love molding the minds of our students, we look forward to test and quiz days because it means a break from listening to ourselves talk.
19. Oh that? Thats just dried Elmers glue on our jeans. Nbd.
20. Yes, we do need to get gel manicures every couple of weeks because our nails would chip within an instant of walking through our classroom doors.
21. We may complain a lot, but we do love our job. Please let us vent, because we work really hard to keep our sh*t together during the day and its not always easy. If we vent to you, its because we trust you. And thats a good thing.